In my 7years of being an entrepreneur, preparing for success has always been a hot topic. Thought leaders hold conferences about  success and the tools you need to succeed all year round. Preparing for success is as important as learning how to overcome disappointment, setback and rejection.

Disappointment, setback, & rejection are negative inevitable experiences that occur all through life’s journey. I’ll refer to them as the deadly trio throughout this post.

I’ve realized that overcoming the deadly trio starts with preparation. The deadly trio can halt your journey to success if you’re not prepared to deal with them. Overcoming the deadly trio starts with preparing your mind. You prepare your mind by changing your perspective of the deadly trio through the lens of a growth mindset.

These 3 perspectives will help you overcome the deadly trio and build emotional resilience.

Perspective #1:

Every disappointment, setback, and rejection is an opportunity to grow.

In her book “Mindset“, Carol Dweck talks about how a growth mindset can help you see the deadly trio as a growth opportunity. A growth mindset is a state of mind that interprets every experience in life as an opportunity to learn and improve. This mindset helps you become at home with the deadly trio. If you see the deadly trio as an opportunity to learn and improve, it reduces the negative effect they have on you.

Changing your perspective will help you push through the pain of the moment and uncover the hidden gem in the deadly trio. It’s like digging for gold. There’s always gold beneath every disappointment, setback, & rejection. But, you have to dig through the dirt. A growth mindset gives you the ability to do that. Growth mindset empowers you to take action despite negative experiences.

A fixed mindset is the opposite of growth mindset. It keeps you in a victim state and disempowers you from taking any positive action. Digging through the dirt to uncover the gold beneath the deadly trio is impossible with a fixed mindset. Instead you think of everything negative and blame yourself or other people. Fixed mindset keeps you in a state of inactivity after you experience any of the deadly trio.

Perspective #2:

Victim mentality makes you ask “Why me” instead of “How can”.

I was having a conversation with a dear friend last Christmas about starting this blog. I was feeling overwhelmed with everything else I was handling. During our conversation she reminded me of Mary the Mother of Jesus and her encounter with the angel. She said “whenever you experience overwhelm, or the deadly trio never ask “Why me” always ask “How”.

A growth mindset always ask “How ” but a fixed mindset always ask “Why me“. Asking “How” opens new pathways in your brain to find solutions to the feelings you’re feeling. Your brain begins to explore the possibilities of different solutions.

Ask yourself:

• How can I learn and improve from this disappointment in such a way that I don’t build up walls or become paralyzed with fear?

• How can I use this setback as a launching pad to improve my character or my service offerings?

• How can I see my rejection as an insight to improve instead of an attack on my personality or the work I produce.

Asking “How ” weakens your fixed mindset and empowers your growth mindset to take action.

Perspective #3:

Self-compassion boosts your ability to overcome the deadly trio.

Compassion is something we give to others but we often neglect our need to give ourselves compassion. Self-compassion helps you process the feelings of disappointment, setback, & rejection. It energizes you to take positive action to unstuck yourself.

In her book “The Power of Self-compassion“, Laurie Cameron outlines the 3 phases of self-compassion and how you can apply these phases to negative experiences.

Phase 1: Acknowledge your feelings of disappointment, setback, & rejection. Don’t brush it off, process it. Say to yourself “this disappointment hurts”, “this setback is painful”, “this rejection stings”.

Phase 2: Acknowledge your humanness by realizing you’re not the only one dealing with the deadly trio. It helps to say out loud to yourself – “I’m not the only one dealing with disappointment, setback, & rejection right now”. This practice makes you feel normal and at home with other human beings. It breaks every feeling of isolation built up in your mind and gives you hope that you’re not alone.

Phase 3: Ask yourself “What do I need?”, “What will help me feel better right now?”  When my daughter hurts her finger, my natural instincts is to give her compassion. I kiss her finger. Then I ask, “does it feel better? and she says “yes”. Asking yourself what you need is like soothing your pain or giving yourself a hug. Make sure you stay with something positive and not a harmful habit to get the best outcome.

On Jan 17th 2020, I received a rejection email for a business license application. This was the 3rd rejection email so far. I felt devastated, depressed and rejected. I hosted a pity party all day.

On Jan 18th 2020, I decided to walk myself through the 3 phases of self-compassion I described above. Like a nurse or a loving mother, I gave myself compassion. First, I acknowledged my feeling of rejection. Second, I told myself “my business is not the only one that received a rejection email”. Third, all I needed was lunch in that moment. By the end of day, I reapplied for the business license for the 4th time. I must be honest, I’ve never recovered that fast from a rejection or disappointment. That’s the power of self-compassion!

You’re not the only one experiencing disappointment, setback, and rejection!

As you work towards success in starting your business or side hustle in 2020, remember the deadly trio is part of the mix. Don’t forget to empower yourself with a growth mindset. Ask yourself the “how” question, and give yourself compassion.

With these empowering trio, you will build emotional resilience and overcome the deadly trio this year. You’ll uncover the gold hidden beneath the dirt of disappointment, setback, & rejection. You’re stronger than you think! You’re not alone!

LEAVE A COMMENT!

Have you experienced the deadly trio? How will cultivating a growth mindset help you overcome the deadly trio? Please leave a comment below. I’m excited to read your comments.