Nineteen years. That’s how long we’ve been married. It still feels a little surreal saying that out loud. And not only have we done life together for that long, we’ve also built a business together—side by side.

If you’ve ever thought about starting a business with your spouse, or maybe you already are, you probably know it’s not a walk in the park. But it’s also one of the most rewarding things you can ever do. Today, I want to share some real and raw lessons we’ve learned over the years—both in our marriage and in our business.

First Things First: Is It Even a Good Idea?

Let’s be honest. Starting a business with your spouse sounds romantic, but it’s also full of twists and turns. For us, it worked—not because we were perfect, but because we were committed.

There were days we didn’t have a clue what we were doing. We were figuring out marriage and figuring out business… at the same time. It was messy. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to wait until your relationship is “perfect” before you start something together. Just know this—you’ll need a strong foundation. Or at least a strong commitment to building one.

Money Talks—And It Matters

One of the biggest things we had to figure out early on was money. When you’re starting a business as a couple, you need to decide how to handle your finances. We realized that one of us needed to have a steady income while the other focused on building the business full-time.

At first, my husband was still consulting while I ran the business. That gave us a financial cushion and helped keep our family stable. Without that, things would’ve been a lot harder.

If you’re thinking about starting something with your spouse, ask yourselves: “How are we going to handle money?” “Who’s going to hold things down while the business grows?” Don’t skip this part—it’ll save you a lot of arguments later.

Has It Made Our Marriage Stronger?

Absolutely. But not without struggle.

Running a business together was like going to the gym for our marriage. It stretched us, tested us, and helped us grow stronger. We had to learn to communicate better, understand each other’s working styles, and—most importantly—respect each other in every role.

My husband is the visionary. He loves to dream big, take risks, and chase new ideas. I, on the other hand, love structure. I like knowing what’s happening, when, and how it’s all going to work. You can imagine the kinds of “discussions” we’ve had.

But over time, we learned how to meet in the middle. I had to learn to let him dream, and he had to learn to bring me along instead of just running ahead. That process wasn’t easy, but it brought us closer.

The Big Mistake We Made (That You Should Avoid)

One mistake we made—especially in the early days—was blurring the lines between family money and business money. When you’re passionate about what you’re building, it’s so easy to throw everything into it. But we learned the hard way that you need clear boundaries.

Don’t use your savings, your retirement, or your kids’ college fund to float the business without serious thought and prayer. Set limits. Decide how much you’re willing to invest and stick to it. Passion is powerful, but wisdom is what keeps you afloat.

Boundaries and Structures Save Marriages

We didn’t have boundaries at first. Everything bled into everything. Business talk during dinner. Arguments about decisions while folding laundry. It wasn’t working.

So we created some structure. We set aside specific times for personal check-ins. Three times a week, we have morning chats—just us. We talk about how we’re feeling, what we’re struggling with, and how we can support each other. We also go on monthly date nights where we try (keyword: try) not to talk about business.

These simple practices helped us nurture our marriage while building the business. They gave us space to reconnect as husband and wife—not just business partners.

We’ve Had Our Share of Conflict

Let me be real with you—we’ve disagreed. A lot. One major conflict that comes to mind was around a decision my husband made during a team meeting. He sided with the product team on an idea I didn’t agree with, and it really hurt me. It wasn’t just about the idea—it was how it made me feel invisible.

That disagreement led to a big conversation (and later, therapy) where we both realized we needed to learn how to communicate better. He learned how to tune in to my emotional needs, and I learned how to express them without shutting down.

The biggest lesson from that experience? You need to wear two hats—CEO and spouse. And sometimes, being a good husband or wife is more important than being right.

Therapy Helped Us Grow

We’re big believers in therapy. It helped us understand ourselves, our upbringing, and why we respond the way we do. Through therapy, we learned that most conflicts aren’t about the facts—they’re about needs.

Once we understood that, everything changed. We started asking, “What do you need right now?” instead of “Why don’t you agree with me?” That shift helped us stop fighting against each other and start fighting for each other.

Forgiveness Is a Must

If you’re going to build a business with your spouse, you’ll need to forgive often. That doesn’t mean ignoring problems. It means dealing with them, learning from them, and choosing to let go.

We’ve made the choice that divorce is not an option. So when we mess up—and we will—we commit to talking it through, apologizing, and moving forward together.

Faith Is Our Anchor

Our faith is what holds everything together. When things get tough (and they do), we turn to God. We’ve had many moments where scripture and prayer gave us the strength and clarity we needed to make a big decision or get through a hard season.

One scripture that stood out to us recently was from Joshua 1: “Be strong and very courageous.” That reminder kept us going through some of our most difficult moments. If you’re a believer, lean into your faith. Let God lead your journey.

Communication That Actually Works

We’ve found a few tools that really helped improve how we talk to each other. One of them is a book called Nonviolent Communication. It taught us how to talk without blaming or attacking each other—even when we’re upset.

Another favorite is Created for Connection, which is amazing for married couples. These books changed how we talk, how we listen, and how we understand each other.

It’s All About Priorities

Balancing family and business can be tricky. For me, I always ask, “When everything is stripped away, what’s most important?” The answer is always family. That helps me make the hard decisions. We still support the business, but not at the cost of our marriage or our home.

My husband has a beautiful way of looking at it too. He sees the business and the family like two children. Sometimes one needs more attention than the other. And that’s okay—as long as it balances out in the long run.

You’ll Need Patience (So Much Patience)

If there’s one lesson that stands out above all the others, it’s this: Be patient.

Patience will help you handle the disagreements, the delays, the disappointments, and the growing pains. It will help you stay soft when it’s easier to get hard. It will help you keep showing up, even when it’s tough.

Working with your spouse is not for the faint of heart. But if you’re willing to be patient, to grow, and to love deeply—it can be the most beautiful journey of your life.

If you’re thinking of building a service-based business with your spouse, I hope our story encourages you. Will it be hard? Yes. But will it be worth it? Absolutely.

And just like God told Joshua, I want to tell you too—be strong and very courageous.

You’ve got this.